976. Build Your 2nd Family

In his book The G Code, Ryan Stewman writes that you have two families: your family of origin and your family of choice.

Your family of origin is the one you were born into — your mom, dad, aunts, uncles, cousins, siblings. That’s the family you were raised with. You didn’t choose them… you inherited them.

Your family of choice is completely different.
 This is the family you grow up with — the one you intentionally create. And you build this family in three powerful ways: spiritually, socially, and physically.

In today’s episode, I’m going to break down why there are some people in your family of origin you must love where they are… and leave exactly where they are, because they are not part of your future. You can love them, you can support them, but you are not responsible for staying stuck with them.

Then I’ll show you how to build your family of choice — the people you select who are more successful, richer, in better shape, and smarter than you.
These are the people who stretch you.
These are the people who challenge you.
These are the people who take you to the next level.

Let’s get it.

Transcript

0:01

Today I wanna talk to you about something that will absolutely determine how high you go in life. It's something that Ryan Stewman calls"the two families that you have." See, you've got two different families. You've got a family of origin, the one that you were born into, and you've got. A family of choice, the one that you get to build and the, and the one that you choose from this moment forward is going to determine how high you rise, how far you go,, and who you ultimately become. So let's get into it. This morning I was reading from Ryan Stewman's book the G Code, and he makes a very powerful point. He says, every single one of us has a family of origin. We all have that. Your mom, your dad, your aunts, your uncles, your cousins, your siblings. Even the uncle that's not really an uncle by blood. Y'all just call him unc. Yep. He's part of your family of origin too. This is your family of origin. You didn't pick 'em, you didn't get to cast a vote. You simply just inherited this family, and as a kid you were absorbed in all of that. Their habits, their energy, their mindset, their behaviors, and also their limitations. You absorbed all of it because you didn't have another option. But here's where so many people get stuck. They grow up, but they never grow out. They become adults who are still emotionally tied to the same limitations they grew up around and they stay mentally locked in their origin story. They say things like Marsh, you don't understand where I came from. You have no clue what I've gone through. You don't understand what I didn't have. I didn't have a mom, I didn't have a dad. We were poor. We were broken. And I'm not discounting any of that. Those things are real. Those things shape you, but they don't have to define you yet most people let their family of origin become the ceiling that they never break through, and it's generational stagnation. We've seen it. Same neighborhood, same mindset, same problems, same excuses. It's almost, dude, I used to watch soap operas. I used to watch Young and The Restless. I don't even know if they come on anymore. And I used to watch Young and The Restless and, and bro, lemme tell you something, I could be away from that show for months, years even, and I could tune in to an episode and pick up right where I left off. Same plot, same drama, same predictable loops. That's how it feels when you go back around certain family members. I mean, bro, you haven't seen 'em in years, but the second you're back in that environment, you feel yourself pulled until the old patterns. It's like the smells and the visuals instantly. Bring you back from something you fought so hard to get away from. And that's the hard truth. Some in your family of origin are not good for your future. It's not that you're better than them, it's that you're better for you. And the more you're around these people who don't grow, the more they expect you to not grow either. Some people in your family don't mean you any harm. They're just looking at the world through limitations. But there are other family members of yours. Who mean harm because the people who gave up on their dreams are the very ones trying to talk you out of yours. They judge you through their lens. They advise you through their fears and they limit you based on limitations. And that's what you have to learn, bro. You have to love them where they are and leave them exactly where they are. You don't owe them your future, nor do they owe you theirs. You can support 'em. You can stay in touch. You can send a message, you can check in. But you don't have to stay stuck in their world and remember this, they have the same opportunities that you have. They have the same opportunities to change that you do. They're just choosing not to. So this brings me to your second family, the one that actually determines your future. This is what I call your family of choice. And this is the group of people that you intentionally bring into your world because they elevate you, they challenge you, they sharpen you, and they show you what's possible. Your family of choice are people who are smarter than you. They're more successful than you. They're richer than you. They're in better shape than you. They think differently. They set higher standards and they move with more intention. These are the people that when you're around them, you feel so far outta your element. You are uncomfortable, and that's exactly where you need to be with them, because if you're the sharpest person in your circle, your circle is gonna become a cage. Your family of choice forces you to reach up. Not reach down. And the beautiful thing about it is you get to choose them. You get to rotate 'em, and you get to outgrow them if needed. This family is different. They speak the language of growth, not gossip. See, think about it. Your family of origin talks about people. Your family of choice talks about possibilities. And when you surround yourself with people who expect more of themselves, you automatically expect more for yourself. And at first, bro, you're gonna feel outta your depth. You're gonna feel intimidated, you're gonna feel like that you don't quite belong. But stay in the room anyway. To me, it's just like traveling to a foreign country. You stick around long enough, you go down the streets long enough, you're in that environment long enough. You acclimate their language becomes your language. Their standards become your standards. Their mindset becomes your mindset. And you absorb their identity., There are three ways I want you to build your family of choice spiritually, socially, and physically. So spiritually. These family members of choice aren't even alive. It's the Rockefellers. It's the Henry Fords, Dale Carnegie. Da Vinci, Napoleon Hill, Churchill, Steve Jobs, these people can be a part of your family of choice through books, through biographies, through documentaries, through teachings. Study them, learn from them through thinking shapes yours. Their spirits are right there waiting to pour into you, and you can spend as much time with them at any time that you want to. Number two, socially, right now you have immediate access to the brightest minds on the planet through podcast, through YouTube, through X, through Instagram, through long form content. But you gotta curate your feed. You gotta eliminate all the bullshit on your feed and start curating it to fill your world with people who pull you upward. Your algorithm should reflect your ambition, not your distractions. And then the last way to build your family of choice physically. This is people that you physically meet. That you help, that you serve, that you collaborate with, that you connect with. And this is where the magic kicks in when you study the right people spiritually and you follow the right people socially you eventually attract the right people physically. Hallelujah. Amen. Like for instance, look at David Senra Love him. He is the host of the Founder's podcast. Gotta subscribe to it. Been doing this 10 years. He didn't want to repeat his family of origin, so he built a family of choice, made of founders, creators in historical giants. He studied them obsessively for a decade, and now he's connected to the very people he used to only read about. Billionaires, entrepreneurs, elite thinkers. See, he outgrew his family of origin by building his family of choice. That's the power of intention. So here's what's beautiful. You can start today. Pick one person who's no longer living and begin to study them deeply. Like who do you think about? Who do like when you, like? You just in awe. Every time you see a picture of'em, you're like, bro, that dude was a G. So pick that one person. Start studying, go down the rabbit hole with them. Start socially. Curate your feed right now. Curate your feed. Eliminate the people who are bullshit. Eliminate the people who are just talking about woe is me and victims and political bullshit and all that. Eliminate all those people. Follow people who stretch you. Remove the noise. And then lastly, start physically. Build your family of choice physically around you. Help the people around you. There are people that you admire, be of service to them. Be useful, be hungry. Be humble. Those people will pour into you. When the right version of you shows up, the right people show up too, because your family of origin might explain your past, but your family of choice determines your future. Alright, let's get outta here. Thanks for sharing this episode with one person who needs it. Remember, keep it simple, keep it moving. Never settle. Stay tough. Peace.