964. Are You Angry AT or For Something?

Most people talk about managing anger, but the truth is—anger often manages us.

The problem isn’t anger itself. It’s misplaced anger.

In this episode, I break down the difference between being angry at something and being angry for something.

When you’re angry for something, that energy fuels progress.

When you’re angry at something, it eats you alive.

You’ll learn how to turn anger into action, aim it toward growth, and stop letting old stories control your future.

Because anger can destroy you—or it can drive you.

It all depends on how you use it.

Transcript

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All right. 3, 2, 1. Let's get it. Welcome to another episode of What's Your Problem, the podcast. I'm your host, Marsh Buice I'm so happy to be back here with you, especially this topic. And today we're gonna talk about anger and you hear a lot of people talk about managing your anger, and that's all fine and good, and we have good intentions on managing our anger, but many times we don't manage it at all. Uh, anger actually owns us. So as much as we try to suppress it or avoid it or push it down sometimes, bro, that destructive genie gets out of the bottle and I. In, in, in, in a series of seconds. We, we can torch some things, man. All hands raised on this one. But anger has its place. Anger, yes, anger can be destructive, but only if it's misplaced., Maybe the problem isn't anger itself. I. Maybe the real question is why you're angry and what you can do about it. Let me ask you this. Are you angry at something or are you angry for something? And bro, there's a big difference. See, when you're angry for something that's productive, you're reaching forward towards something, you see something ahead and you're angry for it. You push forward, you take risk. But risk are nothing more than statistical calculations. And even if it's 10% chance that I'll make it, someone on the other side made those odds. And so when you're angry for something, you're like, bro, why not be me you're willing to embrace being uncomfortable. You reflect, you analyze, you adjust. And, and some days, dude, you just, you just throw the towel in. You're like, bro, I quit. And then like an hour later you're like, Hmm, and you're back to the lab again. See, that's when you're angry for something. But here's where things turn. When you move from angry for something to angry at something, see angry for something is directed anger. When you're angry at something that's misplaced Anger. This is when you take something that's outside of you and you make it symbolic of your lack of success, symbolic of your failure, symbolic of why you keep quitting, symbolic of why you are the way that you are today. That's when you're angry at something. See, it's, it's that thing right there. This is the, you don't understand my story. Everybody's story's unique. And when you're angry at something and you make something symbolic, you become a victim and you hand over your power and you give your energy. Towards something that really is outside of your control, really doesn't even care about you. I mean, think about if you're angry at something. Here's the reason why I'm the way I am today. This event happened, bro, that those people in those events have long moved on. The only one who hasn't moved on is you. Because you're angry at something. What you're angry for gives you power. What you're angry at, takes that power away from you. And the more that anger turns inward, the more corrosive it's gonna become. It's corrosive because you start doubting yourself and the narrative in your head. Get stronger. You just reinforce it and at one time you were resisting those negative narratives and now you just beat down. You've just surrendered to it. Your confidence drops. You don't move forward. You just spiral backwards all you see is obstacles, and that's all you talk about, and you miss the opportunities that are right there in front of you. Those things that you call obstacles are just opportunities disguised. Here's what's gonna change everything for you. You gotta look at anger as fuel. If you swallow it, it's gonna become corrosive. It's going to eat you alive from the inside. But if you ignite it, bro, you're gonna blow up. And I mean, in the best way possible. You just gotta make sure that you aim the blast. Anger for something. That's the kind of anger that's gonna fuel your progress. It's the kind of anger that keeps you going when everyone else turns back, when everyone else quits. Because when you're angry for something, you don't get head faked by the setbacks. It sucks. You get it, but you're like, bro, I'm gonna figure it out. That FIO muscle gets stronger and stronger and stronger. You're like, fuck it, I'm gonna figure it out. And you don't let these temporary circumstances become permanent excuses, permanent idols, where you become angry at something. When you're angry for something, you just refuse to be stopped. You're gonna find a way. I mean, think about when it comes to change. This is gonna trip you out, man, if you're angry at change, simple, all you do is you bitch about it. You're the last one to adapt. All you do is complain. You point out all the reasons why it won't work. You resist and you want the old ways to work in the new season. But when you're angry for change, that's when you knuckle up, bro. It's when you roll your sleeves up. It's when you're willing to look foolish, but only for a season. It's a temporary time that you look foolish. Yes, you look like a rookie again, and so you're suspending the skills that you have and taking on new skills. It's clunky, it's messy. Lots of mistakes. But when you embrace this thing, when you're angry for change, you get all clammy. But that's that new adrenaline rush, man. This is when you know, you've kind of gone to sleep over the years because you just do things literally in your sleep. So when you're angry for change, bro, you're gonna do something about it. You take ownership of it. And even if there are mandates, some sort of limitations, new rules, new laws, whatever, there's always an opportunity. That's the obstacle. I see it, but I'm angry for change. And I'm just gonna figure something out. I'm gonna find a small pinhole of light and I'm gonna start digging away at that. See, that's that fire I'm talking about. That's the difference between being reactive and being relentless. You gotta look at anger as fuel. Lemme tell you again. You gotta look at anger as fuel. Swallow it and it's corrosive. Ignite it. It creates momentum. Anger has its place. It does. There's a time and place for it, but you make anger a moment, not a monument. It shows you care. It shows you're frustrated, but you don't let it control you. You shift from being angry at something, you shift it to being angry for something. What's the big picture? And when you're angry for something that that thing that's trying to become the symbol simply becomes lessons. You pull out what you need, you learn from it. The rest of it, you throw it on the cutting room floor. Don't build your identity around your anger. I. Don't let anger define you. Let it sharpen you, man. Let it push you. Make sure you're angry for something. When it comes time for anger, channel it. Don't cradle it. Use it. Don't wear it. Before you go, I wanna ask you three questions. Write these down. What are you angry for? Hmm. What are you angry for right now? Remember, that's that striving, that's that pushing. Number two, what are you angry at? What's become the silent saboteur in your life? What keeps sabotaging you? What's become the idol? You have to work two jobs now. You find yourself alone having to start over. got laid off. Life took a shift on you. You feel like it shit on you. No, she shifted. There's a reason there. You gotta shift that anger around round, which brings me to my third point. What would change if you flipped your focus from whatever it is that you're angry at? How can you shift it so that you're angry for something that benefits you? This is how you turn anger into action. This is how you go from stuck to unstoppable, and that's you. Alright, let's get outta here. Please share this episode with one person who needs to hear it. A lot of angry people out there, man, and just think about how you could use that anger in a different way. Just use it productively. And you go from angry at, and dude, you're gonna catch yourself in these moments. You can be like, bro, am I angry at something? Or am I angry for it? What's become the symbol? And that's is what's, this is what's beautiful about things like this. Everything we talk about, man, it's these subtle shifts. It's not these big, humongous things that shift in our life. Just these little subtle things, man. And when we can reposition ourselves, like in this case. Be like, bro, I keep talking about this, man, you're angry at whatever you keep talking about as the reason it, it's an obstacle. You're angry at it. But if you're looking at the obstacle and you're like, Hmm, what's the blind spots here? What am I missing? What's the lessons? Now you're thinking the right way. Now you're shifting it from an obstacle to an opportunity. Now you're shifting from being angry at, to being angry for, I love this episode. How about you? Alright, hit me up on the socials. I'm on all the socials. Be sure and subscribe to the new Substack. This is where I take the writings. All my writings that I do, some of them make episodes, some of them don't. And so be sure it's my name, dot substack.com. And, uh, that's where I'll hang out with, uh, with my writings on that, with that. All right, so let's get outta here like we always do. Keep it simple. Keep it moving. Never settle, stay tough peace.