906. Instead of making the right decision, make the decision right. feat. Dr. Ellen Langer's "The Mindful Body."

Have you ever been stressed out about making the right decision? Have you ever made a decision and wished you had picked the other one? Yeah, me too. Let me put your mind at ease: There is no way to absolutely know what the right decision is beforehand, so instead of stressing out about making the decision right, choose, and make the decision right. 

Today's episode comes from the inspiration of Dr. Ellen Langer's book, "The Mindful Body." In this episode, I will help you be more decisive in making a decision and decide what to do if it doesn't turn out as you were hoping. 

Let's get it! 

Transcript

1:35

Alright, three. 3, 2, 1. Let's get it. Let's talk about decisions today, man. How do I make better decisions? I do believe. That you can teach. Decision-making totally believed that in so many times, man, I've been in management really from the time I got to management, they rely more, she can't teach decision makers. And the reason why you're a manager is because. You have this innate ability to be able to make good decisions. It's not true, man. I've made some terrible decisions. As a manager, I've made some terrible decisions. As a human. So, but there there's so many times, man, you know, when we, when we, when we get to making decisions, Decisions are. They're based on prediction, right? So when you get to these crossroads in these situations and you're looking at them and you're saying, should I, or should I, what are you doing? You're you're trying to play this thing out. You're trying to predict. What the outcome's going to be, and you make your decision. Based on a favorable outcome. That's human nature. I get it. But Dr. Ellen Langer put a different spin on it when she was on Rich Roll's podcast. Because a lot of times when you're trying to make a decision. It's stressful. Isn't. And so you, because obviously you want it to work. Obviously you want it to be worth your time. Obviously you don't want it to blow up in your face, obviously. You don't want to suffer a setback. And she said, instead of being stressed out, About making the right decision. Make the decision, right. I just randomly choose. It's a different way of looking at it. And instead of being stressed out on making the right decision. Oh, what's the decision. Well, if I do this, you getting all stressed out. You're getting all locked up. If you have no way of predicting what the outcome is going to be. And dude, you really have no way of knowing. Until it plays itself out. If you're faced with trying to make this decision. Instead of being all. Cock blocked on. Making the right decision. Make the decision, right. Just randomly choose. And she said you'll actually free yourself up. Life actually becomes easier. Because no matter what the result is, it's not a final outcome. And so you get to certain points and maybe it wasn't the outcome that you were expecting. But instead of being filled with all of these regrets, because what do you do when you regret something, but you make a decision. Yup. Yup. You're stressed out all this time. You make the decision you go in with that negative energy, you go in kind of half thinking that this ain't gonna work. And then when it doesn't work, What do you do? You fill yourself with regret? And dude, you have decades worth of regret that just pile on top of pile. And what happens is, is you're trying to replay all of these moments. Decades of thousands of regrets that you have, and you're trying to replay it. And you'll never get those moments back. So instead. You get to these crossroads should, are, should I? And there's no way of predicting what the outcome is going to be randomly choose. Randomly choose. Because see the outcomes, the value of the outcomes are in your mind, Dr. Langer says, and she says, it's your emotional attachment? And the way that you understand the outcome. We'll determine your emotional response to it. But when you're more mindful. Just being in the moment. Then you can actually find your ranges. Of possibilities from there, you can look at things, look at your options. And then you go from there. So here's the thing about when you get to, to these decisions, let me help you make some decisions are when it comes to making decisions. When you, when you, when you're about to embark on. A couple of different directions to go. Number one. Good or bad. Factor in. The trade-offs. Just look at your list. A few trade-offs. If I were to, if I were to take this position, if I were to get promoted, what does it mean? Okay. It means more money, but also it means that I'm going to have to spend more time at work. It also means that. I, my, my flexibility of, of being able to come and go is not going to be there. I won't have that anymore. It means also that I'm not going to be able to take these longer vacations that I normally do. It's more commute time, whatever. So you look at the you, so you, you consider the trade-offs. You also consider the range of possible outcomes. So, what are the ranges of possible outcomes? Good are bad. Just jot them down. You just need, you know, two good ones, two bad ones, whatever. What comes to mind. Don't just look at, don't make your decisions based on. A perfect outcome. And, and don't look at your decision. With a worst case scenario either consider them both now. Based on those ranges, if you can. Live within those ranges, whatever it is, this could happen. If I make this decision, this could happen. If you can stomach that. And it falls within the range of your tolerances. Make the decision. Just choose. And keep going. C, whatever the result is. I think some of it, I think some of the regrets that we have man is because again, we're just attached to. We're kind of like half ass going into it. Right. Because in the back of our minds, we're like, is this right? And so we go into it, kinda expecting it to blow up, but we hope we can squeak through. And then the minute it blows up. What do you do? You, you get defensive and, and you, you. You really mentally shut down because you put so much negative emotion to it. And so much stock in that result. That instead of looking at whatever the result is, is a pin on the map. Again, it's. It's a point. Okay. It's not permanent. It's a moment. It's not a monument. Don't make it a monument and people make things monumental. Is because they make the decision. They had no way of knowing how it was going to play out. They make the decision. And then they just, it didn't. Didn't play out right. And they just totally get stuck in life instead of. Not attaching emotionally to it. And looking at. Okay. What's the next step. What's the next thing. So instead of being all. Hemmed up. And regretful on making the right decision. Whatever the outcome is. You make the decision, right? That's what I love about the, the, the, the flip side of making the right decision versus make the decision. Right. Make the decision, right. Means no matter what the outcome was. I went into it at factored in, I looked at a range of possibilities and on the back side of it, I just keep moving. Because whatever the result is, There's some good stuff in there. It may not be there. The outcome that I wanted, but it's not all bad. If. You don't attach these negative emotions to it. See, it's the emotional immaturity out. It's the emotional attachment. To the outcome. Coupled with. Your track record. Is why people sink it is because think about that. You. You're trying. You're finally trying to get your life together. You're finally trying to break away from. Your old life. And you get to these crossroads, like, should I, should I, you make the decision you kinda in the back of your mind are really not sure about it. And you think it could possibly blow up and damn it, it blows up. What do you do if, if your track record has not been the greatest. And you're a one in 50. Then that outcome. Is going to be, you're going to have a negative association to this outcome. You're going to attach it to your track record. And you're going to say I can't win for losing. I can't. I mean, I just can't get, I mean, I just, I can't even get it right. And that, that narrative becomes your storyline. And that storyline becomes your life story. Think about people. Who. Have had. Giant setbacks, people that you just sit, admire, athletes that you see on TV. They have these giant setbacks and you're like, bro, they seem to somehow always. End up being a winner. The reason being is because they've trained their mind to not get emotionally attached. To the current situation. They get to the, they make a decision. They stand firm in that decision, they play all out hundred percent on that decision. Given zero fucks to the second decision they could have made. No. Boom. I made the decision. I'm good with it. They play it out regardless of whatever the outcome is. Now they look at what are the next steps? What are the next things I can do? That's the power of reframing C reframing. There's a frame. Of what the current situation is, you played it and then there's the reframe, whatever the result is, one quite what I was looking for, reframe it, meaning this is where I'm at. Using the power of acceptance. I accept where I'm at. Okay. What are my next steps? What are my next options? They're always next, man. Let me tell you something and I can't stress this enough. There is no guarantee. That the other decision. The other choice was the right choice. The nine, you can sit there and. Uh, theorize that all day long, you have no way of knowing. Unless you had made randomly made that decision and went that direction, but you have no idea. You don't know that that's gone. It doesn't matter that somebody else took that decision and you took this one, you took the right. Someone else took a left the right seems to blow up in your face, the left that person. Which is what you were considering that choice and there in the land of milk and honey, they're doing great. Oh man, I should. That's what people do. Right. We all do that. We look at that and be like, Fuck. I should have gone that direction. You have no, there are so many circumstances and environments and internal situations and lifelong universal implications that it could look right right now and not end up right in the long run. So Y you, you don't know that's their game, that's their decision. You made your decisions. You're good with it. All right. Make the decision. You don't have to explain it to a bunch of fucking people. You made the decision rest in the fact of that. Don't attach anything. Start training yourself to not sit there and whine and bitch to yourself. Oh God. Damage. No. Paul's. What's the next step. What's the next thing. I'm proud that you made a decision. I was just watching something the other day on Netflix. And it was, I don't know, one of those reality shows. And the, the, the. The young lady, she's an adult. And she's like, my mom is my best friend. I go to my mom. For everything. And she was talking to her mom about something and was like, what should I do? And a mom was like, I'm not going to tell you that. And she's like, mom, just tell me what to do. And she's like, no, you're an adult. You need to make the decision and you need to learn to make decisions. And that's what happens, man. So many times. Not that you would really want to point blank. Blame your mom. But if the outcome's not right, but that's what we do. We, we get advice from other people to absolve ourselves of responsibility. So that way, if it doesn't work. Well, you told me. And we're like off the hook. No, you can consider other people's opinions. But again, their opinion does not guarantee that it's going to be the right outcome sometimes with experience. Sometimes it will many times it won't. But. Look at the ranges. Look at the possible implications, the outcomes, what are the range of possibilities? Good or bad? What are some of my trade-offs that I'm going to things I'm going to have to give up. Cause something's got to give in order to gain. Okay. So you look at that. If it works within the range, Rocko, make the decision. And let me tell you something. If you'll do this. Then whatever the result is, you reframe it, you challenge it. You play with it. Stop getting all bigly. I think we get too rigid in life and I'm talking to me, not you. But I think sometimes man, these decisions, you're just like, oh. And we hold on and we just, it just really stresses you out. It's not productive. It's not why give any emotional currency? I made the best decision. At the time. Okay, now here's the next thing. And you, what looks wrong today? May end up being. Completely right. How many times in your life have it? Did the moment suck? Did the moment looked like it was worst case? And end up 10 years from now is the best thing that ever happened for you. Dude, I have. Countless. But light stories. I can tell you about that. When you sit down and have drink. Many drinks or this is going to be a lot of stories. We all have those. Okay. So the fact. That you made a decision. I'm proud of. Good start making decisions. If you don't know if you cannot predict how it's going to come out. Randomly choose. Choose. And this is going to make you more courageous because you're going to begin to trust your gut. You're going to begin to step out there. It's going to keep you bouncing. Okay, so you won't get stuck on. Yeah. I mean, that's, that's how people pop out the other side. They just, they bounce, they don't splatter. Most people, they splatter. Because they make a decision, they attach it to the track record. Nice flat or they can't get back up. But this keeps you lied on your feet. You hold loosely to the outcome. It could be good in the moment. And then six months from now, turn out really shitty, but then whatever you take the shit you make fertilizer out of it. He just sprinkle it on your neck situation. You make that shit green and grow. Let's go. And that's what you do. So making decisions, man, learning to make these decisions, you can't, you don't know how it's going to play out. Randomly choose. It's going to, like I said, it's going to make you courageous. It's going to make you bold. Cause you're going to be, people are going to be like, man, you kind of crazy. He's gonna make you bold. It's gonna make you independent, you know? We'll be relying on anybody because you're not trying to blame nobody. It's good to have counsel. It's good to have other people that, that give you other ways of looking at it, but ultimately you make the fucking decision. It's gonna make you more resilient. And it's going to make you a better thinker. Okay, because you'll be able to think in stressful situations, you get to these moments and you got to think things through, but then you bring into. Pull some of these experiences off the shelf and you kind of rework them, you analyze it. You're not all a, an emotional soupy mess. And then you look at your next step from there. All right. You got all the power, man, you are more than equipped to be able to make decisions, but when you get to these, should I, or should I. And you can't predict how it's going to come out. Just make a decision. Don't worry about making the right decision. Make the decision, right. I randomly choose. All right. Let's get outta here. Keep it simple. Keep it moving. Never settle. Stay tough piece.