880. Forgive yourself over, and over, and over." Epictetus

I don't think we truly know (nor were taught) how to for-give ourselves. 

Transcript

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All right. 3, 2, 1. Let's get it. Welcome back to what's your problem. The podcast. Podcast. I'm your host marsh BICE. Today I want to talk about the art of forgiving yourself. Inspired by the The Art Of Living I love that title. The art life is art. The Art Of Living by Epictetus.. And I want to share. Share his insights specifically. From page 99 of his work. And this is going to be a two-part. Part series because on this one page, are two different thoughts that I want to run with, but I don't want to muddle them together. So I'm going to separate these two out. So here's what he writes." Try to be as kind to yourself as possible. Do not measure yourself against others. Or even against your ideal self." Now, let me break this down because. Honestly. As I was writing this this morning. I don't think that most of us really know. Nor were taught how to forgive ourselves. or even truly. Truly. What that means. Epictetus starts with. Be kind to yourself. Think about that. If you treat. The others, the way that you treat yourself. You probably wouldn't have any friends. Your family wouldn't stick around. And you wouldn't even have a job. The truth is. We are our own harshest. critics. You don't need any more. Enemies. In that three. The pounds. That's sitting on your neck right now. That's that brain that mine works against. I just talked about this. I want a recent episode about the battlefield. Of the mind. Joyce Meyer. I wrote a whole book about that. It's so true. Oh, man, it's a. Constant war. That we wage. The way we talk to ourselves. The way we beat ourselves up over every little mistake. Dude, if somebody did that to you, one of your friends, one of your family members, they just constantly beat you up. About all. of your little miscues, all of your mistakes. You wouldn't even allow. them into your life. Yet you accept it from yourself. So here's the first point that I want to make. Give yourself some grace. The same kindness. That you. You would give to someone that you care about. Epictetus continues. Do not measure yourself against others. I love the word measure here. Because when you measure something, it's specific. And the problem with measuring yourself against others. Is that it's never accurate. Sometimes we measure ourselves against people who have less. Than we do. And that can make us feel. upity smug complacent. Like we're doing just fine. And that's what leads to complacency. And other times. We compare ourselves to people who seem to have everything. You know, The perfect job, the perfect body. The perfect life. And that can leave us feeling. Small. Inadequate. Like life just passed us by. You got to remember, man, everybody is on a different incline in life. Some people have advantages that you don't. But also remember this. You have advantages that they don't. We get so locked in to what others have. That we forget to acknowledge our own unique strengths. Abilities. And talents. So just take a step back. stop measuring yourself. Instead notice the differences in the similarities in others. Maybe you see someone who possesses a skill that you admire. Good news is you can get better at that skill. Or maybe you realize that you're on the right track. Good. Either way, focus on playing your game. And keep it super, super simple. Epictetus also warns us not to measure ourselves against. our ideal self- I love this. And here's, what's key about writing some of this stuff out when you write this. what you read and what you write. Maybe two totally different things. So when you read this passage and then you write it when you write it, not type it, when you write it. You actually see the words different. You digest them differently. Your perspective is different because you're spelling out the word, you pick up the pen and you're like, wait a minute. So I'd read this, but then I'm like, man, I love this whole passage. So let me write it out. I wrote it out. And I totally missed what I read. I read. the part, don't measure yourself against others, but I missed the part. Don't measure yourself. Against your ideal self. I get it. Ideally. You want to be fitter, richer, smarter, and further along in life. Who the doesn't? You've got this mental picture. of how life would look if you had it all together. But here's the thing. You're never going to have it all together. Because life. Is constantly evolving. You just got to play the game. You're exactly where you need to be right now. But you don't need to say there. So your ideal. self. The fitter richer, smarter, further along in life. mental Image that you have of yourself. Good. That gives you a direction. But it's not a destination. Progress is gradual. Epictetus even says that he says "Human betterment. Is gradual. Two steps forward. and, one step back in effort. And some days, bro, it's going to be the other way around. Some days is going to be one step forward. And two steps back. It's just part of it. You just got to ask yourself, did you play the game today? Did you give your all out effort? Not holding anything back. Did you move the needle even just a little bit. That's all that counts. Progress. Isn't always about results. Some outcomes are going to be big wins. Other outcomes. You're going to be able to recognize. What you lack in experience and maturity. So sometimes at two steps back, It's really, it's a protection mechanism. It protects you. It says you're not quite there because if I advanced you right now, You could blow this thing up. So, let me hold you back a little bit. Get your skill set. Get your experience, get some more maturity about you. And then keep going. Just keep pushing forward. Be a little bit better than you were yesterday. I know it sounds so cliche to say, but it's truly, truly the case. Am I better than I was yesterday. And if you weren't the answer's. Yes. Good. You move the needle. If the answer's no. Okay, what can you learn from it? Either way. You got to keep moving forward. And finally Epictetus wraps it up with this."Forgive yourself over and over and over. again. Then try to do better next time." I love that. I love that. And I think it's specifically why he wrote. Forgive yourself over and over and over seemed a little excessive when you say it like that, right? That's what it's supposed to be. Because forgiving yourself doesn't mean letting yourself off the hook. It means that you free yourself. That's what forgiveness, the four ideal letters, in forgiveness. are F R E E. You got to free yourself. Look at the word for-give."For" means in favor of . "Give" means to hand over. So forgiveness is about handing over your mistakes. With no strings attached. Just hand it over. I mean, think about it like this. If you gave someone a gift. You don't have any strings attached, you gave it freely willingly. Boom here. You didn't call him next Christmas. Say like, Hey man, that gift I gave you last year, you think. you think. I can get that back? No. You gave it freely- no strings attached. Now think about that in your own life. How many strings. Are you holding on to. The strings that are tied to. your mistakes, your misfires. You're blowups. You're jealous moments. And your spiteful actions. It's those strings. That are keeping you stuck. They weigh you down. And they don't just come from how you view yourself. They're also tied to others. That you haven't forgiven. And I am going to dig into that in another episode. That's a whole nother thing. So for now. Start with yourself. Forgive your mistakes. Over. And over and Over. Hand them over. No strings attached. Remember progress is gradual. Two steps forward. One step back. Just try to do better next time. All right. You got to remember this man you're still in the game. The only ones that are out of time. Or the people in the graveyards. That's the only ones. The rest of us, there's always next. Just do better. You never run out of options. People run out of belief. And they feel like they have no options to show up. Just do better. With no strings attached. All right, let's get out of here. Please share this episode with someone who needs it. As always keep it. simple. Keep it moving. Never settle, state tough peace.